myjellybat:

Aries: “This is it. This is the year I get my penis back from that dolphin who stole it”
Taurus: “Why he touchin’ my man! WHERE HE GOIN’ WITH MAH MAN!” 
Gemini:   “Oh no. I got a flashback boner”
Cancer:  “Swim team nothing! I want that boy to be my bride!”
Leo:  *Booty Booty Booty Booty rockin’ everywhere* “Bitch you gonna be mine”
Virgo:  “I’m sinning tonight!”
Libra: “Painting sure is fun. You know what else is fun? Killing your best friend.”
Scorpio: “What’s up sluts! Guess who just got out of prison!”
Sagittarius: “THEY’RE MY OSTRICHES!”
Capricorn:  “Do not be alarmed! I’m about to be hilarious!”
Aquarius:  “USURPER!!”
Pisces: “The loser has to commit… Swimpuku.”